CadeNapped
by Sk8er Chica
Summary: Johnny wakes up and something is very wrong. Will he ever get things back the way they were?
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING!

A/N: This is will be my second _Outsiders _humor fic. Constructive criticism is welcome, but flames will be used to start bonfires.

* * *

Our story begins on an Indian summer day in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Johnny Cade was just waking up. He changed out of the clothes he'd slept in the previous night, pulled on his jeans jacket, and laced up his black Converse Chuck Taylors. He went over to his cracked bedroom mirror to examine the cut he'd gotten on his cheek when he'd been jumped by a Soc a few days before. It still hadn't healed over.

'_I'll probably have a scar for the rest of my life,_' he thought.

Johnny picked up his comb and started trying to tame his black hair, which remained messy no matter what he did to it. When he was satisfied with his appearance, he started to think about whose house he'd eat breakfast at. Then he noticed something very odd. The odor of pancakes and scrambled eggs was wafting through his closed bedroom door. He shook his head, thinking he must be imagining things; his mom hadn't cooked since time began.

Johnny opened the door and stuck his out into the hallway. When he did, the smell grew stronger. Johnny left his room and started to walk down the hallway. The living room he ended up in was his own, but everything in it was different. The coffee table was devoid of ashes and empty beer bottles. The television set, which Johnny's dad had put his foot through a month ago, was in perfect working order. The couch was battered, but it didn't have a single cigarette burn or exposed spring in it.

"Man, those guys musta hit me a lot harder than I thought," Johnny muttered out loud to himself.

"Johnny, is that you?" a woman's voice called from the kitchen. It was definitely his mother's, but again, something didn't feel right.

"Yeah, it's me, Ma," Johnny replied, cautiously walking into the kitchen.

The sight of his parents almost made him pass out. His dad was clean-shaved, clad in jeans and a flannel shirt, and he didn't smell like alcohol. His mother's hair was perfectly curled, her dress clean and unwrinkled, and she appeared to be sober.

"Johnny, are you all right? You've just gone white as a sheet," said Mrs. Cade in the same concerned tone Mrs. Curtis used to use when Johnny turned up at her house with a split lip or a black eye.

"Ma, why do you look so nice?" asked Johnny. "And why are you cooking?"

"A mother always cooks for her beloved son," said Mrs. Cade sweetly. "Breakfast _is _the most important meal of the day."

"Say, champ," interjected Mr. Cade, "how about going to the park later to play a little football with your old man?"

Johnny was too confused and bewildered to reply. He had just noticed his dad had tentacles for fingers and there was a set of antennae poking through his mom's hair. His black eyes got bigger than usual and he bolted from the house, making a beeline for the one place he was always safe when anything happened: the Curtis house.


	2. Chapter 2

While Johnny was walking down the street, he heard the rumbling of a car engine behind him. He stopped and glanced nervously over his shoulder, but didn't see anything. As he started to walk again, the engine noise followed him. Johnny was worried by now. He thought maybe the Socs that jumped him had come to finish him off. He sped up, so did the car. Johnny began to run; the car screeched to a halt.

"Hey, Johnny!" called a gruff voice.

Johnny whipped around, his heart going a hundred miles an hour, afraid of what was coming next. The driver of the car turned out to be his buddy Dallas Winston, better known to the gang as Dally. Dallas, he noticed, had commandeered Buck Merril's red T-Bird yet again. Johnny breathed hard, trying to calm himself down.

"Hey, Johnny, I'm sorry, man," said Dallas. "I didn't mean to scare you like that."

Johnny blinked and immediately glanced at the top of his friend's head, checking for antennae. Dallas normally never apologized for anything he did.

"Y'know, kid," said Dallas, sticking a cigarette in his mouth and lighting a match by striking it against his Saint Christopher medal, "it probably ain't the best idea to be walkin' around by yourself right now."

"I was just on my way to Pony's," Johnny explained.

Dallas leaned over and unlocked the passenger-side door. "Hop in, kid. I'll take ya the rest of the way."

"Thanks," Johnny mumbled, climbing in the car.

As they drove, Dallas started fishing in his back pocket for something. "While you was laid up in bed, I had Two-Bit swipe ya a gift." Dallas held up a switchblade. "And you better promise me you're gonna use it on the guy who messed up your face, 'cause if you don't, I'll do it myself."

Johnny accepted the knife from Dallas and flicked the blade in and out experimentally. It sure was nice of the gang to get him something, but he doubted he'd ever use it, especially in the way Dallas had suggested. Johnny wasn't sure he even remembered what the Soc had looked like; all he remembered seeing were the rings. But it was best not to argue with Dallas Winston, so he just nodded.

About a minute later, Dallas had parked in front of the Curtis's house. The truck was gone, which meant Darry and Sodapop were at work. The big black car Two-Bit drove was haphazardly parked on the lawn.

"Come on, kid," said Dallas, yanking the key out of the ignition. "I'll walk you inside."

The two boys walked up the porch. Dallas opened the screen door and let it slam behind them.

"Don't slam the damn door," Two-Bit moaned into the sofa.

"He got pretty soused last night," explained Ponyboy, who was in the kitchen putting away the breakfast dishes, "and he came over here to sleep it off."

"Kathy left me," Two-Bit said with a small whimper.

"Again," added Ponyboy. Kathy and Two-Bit broke up at least as often as Dallas and Sylvia broke up, if not more.

"She said it was for keeps this time," said Two-Bit.

"She said that last time," Ponyboy pointed out. "There's still some breakfast in the kitchen if y'all are hungry."

Dallas made a beeline for the plate of leftover pancakes, all of which were green. It had been Sodapop's morning to cook.

"Ain't ya hungry, Johnnycake?" asked Two-Bit, noticing Johnny hadn't moved.

"I bet you are," said Ponyboy. He knew Johnny hadn't eaten since the Soc had gotten hold of him three days ago.

Johnny wasn't sure what to say. His stomach _was _empty, but he had too much on his mind to really notice.

"What's the matter?" Ponyboy asked.

Johnny took a deep breath. He knew Two-Bit would probably laugh and Dallas would think he was off his rocker, but he had to tell somebody the truth...


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: No more reviews:-( Please review so I know if I'm doing a good job or a bad one. Anyways...

* * *

"Myparentsturnedintoaliens," Johnny mumbled, running all his words together.

"Huh?" said Dallas.

"Well, when I woke up this morning, my house smelled like pancakes," Johnny explained. "I go to the living room, and the TV's in one piece again. I looked in the kitchen. Ma was dressed real nice, like she was goin' to church or somethin'."

Two-Bit shrugged. "Maybe your mom's turned over a new limb."

"Turned over a new _leaf,_" Ponyboy corrected.

"And Ma was sober," Johnny continued.

Dallas dropped the plate of pancakes he was holding. _That _was definitely out of character for Mrs. Cade.

"Where was your dad?" asked Ponyboy.

"At the table. He was wearin' clean clothes and readin' the paper like Darry always does. Sober too."

Two-Bit clutched his chest, dropped to the floor, and started flopping around like a fish. Ponyboy guessed he was trying to fake a heart attack.

"Two-Bit, this ain't funny," said Dallas sharply.

"Then Dad asked if I would go play football in the park with him." said Johnny. "I wondered if I was maybe seein' things or still dreamin' or somethin'. Then I saw Dad's tentacles."

"Shoot, kid," said Two-Bit, snorting with laughter. "Every guy's got tentacles." He started to roll on the floor, howling.

Johnny's tan cheeks flushed dark red. "No!" he said loudly. "I mean like octopus arms. And Ma had these weird antennae growin' out of her head."

"How hard did the guy with the rings hit you again?" asked Two-Bit. The idea of Johnny's parents being aliens sounded crazy, even to him.

"Did you watch _Mystery Science Theater _with him last night?" asked Dallas. _Mystery Science Theater _was pretty much the only thing Two-Bit watched other than Mickey Mouse. Since Johnny was fearful by nature, _Mystery Science Theater _always gave him nightmares.

"Uh-uh, Dally," replied Two-Bit. "I didn't even see Johnny last night."

Dallas turned to Johnny. "Is he telling the truth?"

Johnny nodded. "Can you guys help me get everything back to normal?"

"Wait a minute," said Two-Bit. "I'm confused."

"There's a friggin' suprise," said Dallas, lighting up another cigarette.

"Are you tryin' to say that you _like _your mom chasin' you around with the broom?" Two-Bit continued doggedly. "You _like _sleepin' in the lot so you don't have to hear 'em fightin'? You _like _gettin' smacked in the mouth every time you turn around?" He shook his head. "And people call _me _crazy."

Johnny blinked, a hurt look on his face.

"It's all he's ever known," said Ponyboy, sticking up for his best friend.

"What do you need parents for anyway?" Dallas wanted to know. "Johnnycake, you're in the gang. _We _look out for you; w_e're _your family."

"And you're the family pet," added Two-Bit.

"Shut up," commanded Dallas.

Two-Bit pouted. "Well, it's true."

"Personally, I don't see why you want those lousy folks of yours back," Dallas went on, "but we'll try to help you find 'em if that's what you really want."

Johnny smiled. "Thanks, Dal."

"We'll all help you," finished Ponyboy.

"Well, what are we waitin' for?" said Two-Bit. "We got a Cade-napping on our hands." He laughed hysterically at his own joke, even though no one else did.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This may seem totally unimportant and irrelevant, but I have to tell the story because I'm SO excited and proud. My high school's homecoming parade was tonight. Me and three other girls made a float for choir that looked like the carnival scene from _Grease, _and all the girls on the float dressed up as Pink Ladies. Even though we built our float with limited cash and only had four people actually work on it, the choir totally kicked butt. We won the award for Best Club Float! Best moment of my senior year so far.

* * *

"We need to meet somewhere and come up with a plan," said Ponyboy. 

"What's wrong with here?" asked Dallas.

"Darry would take me to another doctor if he came in and heard us talking about Johnny's parents gettin' abducted by aliens." Ponyboy pointed out.

"Yeah, he might," agreed Two-Bit. He tipped his head to the side, thought for a moment, and then snapped his fingers. "The school!"

Dallas shook his head. "Uh-uh. No way. Forget it. I'm not goin' anywhere near a school."

"But the school has chalkboards," said Two-Bit. "We can draw diagrams and make up our strategy on them." He stood up. "Before we do that, though, let's stop by the DX. I'm thirsty and maybe we can convince Soda and Steve to join us. The more people there are, the easier it is to conquer the aliens, at least that's how it works on _Mystery Science Theater_. By the way, Dal, is Steve's cousin from Kansas still in town?"

"I think so," said Johnny.

"Wait a minute. What do we need _her _for?" asked Dallas. "She couldn't do a damn thing if the aliens came after us."

Ponyboy liked Steve's cousin Glenda, but he had to admit that Dal had a point. Glenda was five feet tall and a hundred pounds soaking wet. Because of that (and much to Glenda's irritation), Two-Bit had christened her with the nickname Munchkin. Sure, Johnny was small too, but he was a decent fighter for a kid his size.

Two-Bit cocked an eyebrow, as though his friends were being stupid on purpose. "There's always a pretty girl in those alien movies."

Johnny, Dallas, and Ponyboy stood up, then the four boys left the house. They walked several blocks to the center of town, where the DX was located. As they got closer, the boys could see what was going on at the DX. Steve was working on a car, Sodapop was surrounded by a group of giggling girls, and Glenda was sitting on the curb drinking a bottle of Coke.

"Hi, Johnny," Glenda said in a friendly tone. Taking on a more serious octave, she added, "Steve told me about what happened. How's your head?"

"Fine, I guess," Johnny mumbled. Talking to girls, even ones related to his friends, made him nervous.

"Hey, Soda!" called Steve. "Here come the hobos."

"Excuse me for a minute, ladies," said Sodapop, which caused the girls to giggle shrilly again.

He walked over to the Coke machine, got Cokes for his friends, and then joined them.

"What's goin' on, guys?" asked Sodapop.

"Well, we figured we'd stop by and see if you wanted to hang out with us," said Ponyboy.

"I'm sorry, Ponyboy, but I can't. I'm workin' right now." said Sodapop apologetically.

"Hey, Steve," said Two-Bit. "Would it be all right if we borrowed Munchkin for a couple hours?"

"I sure wish you would," said Steve. He liked Glenda even less than he liked Ponyboy.

"I guess I'll go," said Glenda. "What are you guys planning?"

"Oh, nothin' much," said Two-Bit with a shrug.

"We're gonna find the aliens that kidnapped my parents," said Johnny.

At these words, Glenda's bottle of Coke slipped from her fingers and smashed on the sidewalk. It had been partially full, so Glenda muttered some decidedly un-ladylike things as she tried to blot the cola out of her skirt.

"Are you _sure _he's okay?" she asked, indicating Johnny. "It kinda sounds like he's hallucinating."

"I don't know what that big word means," Dallas started, "but whatever it does mean, Johnny ain't doin' it. You got that?"

"Yeah," said Glenda. She stood up. "Ready when you guys are." She turned and waved to her cousin. "Bye, Steve. I'll see ya later."

Steve didn't even wave back.


	5. Chapter 5

"So where are we going?" asked Glenda, panting slightly.

They hadn't been walking very long, but she was getting a little tired. Both Dallas and Two-Bit had long legs and Ponyboy was a track star, so she had to take at least four steps for every one the boys took. Johnny was used to keeping up with them, so he wasn't having as much difficulty.

"The school," answered Two-Bit. "The classrooms are big enough for us all to sit in and I can draw up our strategy on the chalkboard. I like writin' on chalkboards."

"Has anyone ever told you you're weird?" asked Glenda.

"Yeah, and I think it's a compliment." said Two-Bit. "Who the hell wants to be normal?"

"Maybe we oughta do some more research," suggested Ponyboy. "You know, observe Johnny's parents or somethin'. How can we have a good strategy if we don't know what we're dealing with?"

"Pony, you think too much," said Dallas. "What are we supposed to do, hide behind the sheets on Johnny's clothesline?"

"That's not a bad idea, Dal," said Two-Bit. "And maybe after a while, one of us can try to sneak in the house."

"How?" asked Glenda.

"Say you need borrow a cup of sugar or act like you're hurt," Johnny suggested. "The aliens'll let you in for sure. They're nothing like my parents."

"Then you can figure out what their weaknesses might be," added Ponyboy.

"Sounds like a plan," agreed Two-Bit.

The group changed direction and started to walk in the direction of Johnny's house again. Right before they got really close to the house, the alien impersonating Mrs. Cade exited the house and hung some sheets on the clothesline.

"Perfect timing," said Two-Bit. When the alien had gone back inside, he motioned for the others to follow him. "Quick!" he hissed. "Dal, take the one on the end. Pony, the one closest to the street. I'll take the one beside Dal's. Johnny, you and Munchkin are small enough to share the one in front of the window."

They moved to their respective hiding places and Dallas whispered, "Make sure they can't see you."

Glenda and Johnny knelt in the grass behind their sheet. There was so little space that their knees were touching. Johnny swallowed nervously; he'd never been this close to a girl before. Glenda poked her head around the left side of the sheet while Johnny looked out the right side.

"See anything yet?" asked Ponyboy.

"I do," said Johnny. "Ma's in the kitchen with Dad. They're laughing." He gasped.

"What? What?" Two-Bit said nervously.

"They're kissing," reported Glenda.

"Man, that's gross," said Johnny. He'd never seen his parents being affectionate with each other.

"Okaaay, that's a little weird," said Glenda, noticing Mrs. Cade sprout a pair of antennae.

They sat for another half hour or so, watching as Johnny's parents laughed, talked, and fed each other.

"All right," said Two-Bit. "I think it's time for decoy duty."

"Which one of us?" asked Dallas.

"It probably better be Glenda." said Ponyboy.

"What?" said Glenda. "No."

"Please," begged Johnny. "My parents know Dal, Two-Bit, and Pony. They'd never go to my house if somethin' happened. The aliens would know they're bein' set up. My folks don't know you, so they'd think they were just helpin' a stranger."

Glenda felt her jaw drop slightly. This was most Johnny had ever spoken in front of her. She thought he was a sweet kid, but she still wasn't crazy about walking into a house that contained possibly man-eating aliens.

Johnny gave Glenda an expression reminiscent of a lost puppy. It changed her position on the issue entirely.

"All right," Glenda said with a sigh. "I'll do it."

Two-Bit clapped her on the shoulder. "Good deal, Munchkin," he said. "I knew we could count on you."

Dallas scooped up a handful of mud from the lawn and crossed over to Glenda. He began to smear it on her dress.

"Hey!" yelped Glenda. "What are you doing?"

"Makin' it look good," said Dallas.

"Making it look good?" she said, confused.

Two-Bit picked up some mud and dabbed it on Glenda's cheeks.

"Go up to the door, ring the bell, and say you got jumped for your purse," said Dallas.

"Yeah, and act like you're hurt," said Two-Bit. "Then they got no choice but to let you in." He finished decorating her face with mud, stood back, and shook his head. "Somethin' don't look right."

"If she got jumped, her hair would be a wreck," said Dallas.

"It already is," said Glenda, plucking at one of her shapeless, haphazard pin curls.

"Dal means it'd be all over the place," Ponyboy clarified.

"Hey, Johnnycake!" called Dallas. "Come here and rough up her hair a little bit."

Johnny nervously stood up and brushed dirt off his jeans. He reached out a hand and put it on top of Glenda's head. He slowly stroked her hair.

"Johnny, we said rough it up, not pet it," said Two-Bit.

As quickly as he could, Johnny moved both hands all around her hair in different directions. By the time he was done, parts of Glenda's hair were standing straight up. Two-Bit smiled and gave Glenda the thumbs-up.

"You look great, Munchkin," he said. Pushing her out from behind the clothesline, he added, "Break a leg."


	6. Chapter 6

Glenda took a deep breath. She let out muffled sobs and made her way toward the Cade house, walking slowly with a limp.

"Someone please help me," Glenda whimpered under her breath, as though something terrible had happened and she wasn't quite sure what to do.

Glenda sniffed and wiped her eyes, trying to compose herself. She accented her limp as she walked up the rickety front steps, gripping hard onto the railing. Steadying herself against the wall of the house, she raised her fist and knocked on the door. Mrs. Cade answered.

"Hello. May I help you?" she asked.

"Please...please help me," Glenda choked out.

"Man, she ain't a bad actress at all," commented Dallas.

Mrs. Cade put a gentle arm around Glenda's shoulders and ushered her into the house.

"Yes!" Two-Bit exclaimed triumphantly. "She's in!"

Inside, Mrs. Cade sat Glenda down on the sofa. Glenda slumped against the cushions, trying to look pitiful. The gang crept up to the porch and put their ears to the wall so they could hear what was happening.

"My name is Mrs. Cade," they heard Johnny's mother say. "What's your name?"

"Glenda," whimpered Steve's cousin.

"What happened to you, dear?" Mrs. Cade asked gently.

"I was just walking through town minding my own business." Glenda started. "And these guys came up to me. They had a switchblade and they--and they--" She took a calming breath. They stole my purse and they beat me up." She let out a fresh wave of fake sobs.

"Did they hurt you?" asked Mr. Cade, putting down his newspaper.

"They all hit me and I fell on my ankle." said Glenda. She sniffed. "It hurts."

"I'll have my son get some ice to put on it." said Mrs. Cade. "Johnathan!" she called. "Johnathan!" There was no response. Turning to Mr. Cade, she asked, "Honey, have you seen Johnathan?"

"No, dear," replied Mr. Cade. "I haven't seen him since breakfast. He probably went to his friend Sodacan's house again. You know Johnathan."

Mrs. Cade nodded. "If you tell me your phone number, I can call your mother." she offered Glenda.

"You can't," said Glenda. "Nobody's home."

"Is there anybody else we can call?" Mr. Cade wanted to know.

"My cousin works at the DX in town," said Glenda. "I'll just go over there and find him."

"A girl your age shouldn't be walking around by herself." said Mr. Cade. "We can give you a ride."

"In what?" Johnny muttered outside. "Dad wrecked our last car six years ago."

"Or you can stay here until Johnathan comes home," suggested Mrs. Cade. "Then we'll have him walk you to the DX."

"I guess I'll do that," agreed Glenda.

"Okay," said Mrs. Cade. Turning to Mr. Cade, she said, "Will you please get Glenda something to prop her ankle on? Then see if you can find Johnathan."

Mrs. Cade disappeared into the kitchen. Mr. Cade pushed the coffee table toward the sofa, removed one of the decorative pillows from the sofa, and set it on the table. Glenda raised her "hurt" leg and gingerly laid it on the pillow. Mrs. Cade bustled out of the kitchen, carrying a platter of cookies and several glasses of milk.

"In case you get hungry while we're waiting for Johnathan," said Mrs. Cade.

"Thank you," Glenda said politely, taking a cookie and a glass.

Mr. Cade made his way toward the front door.

"Shit, it's your dad," Dallas yipped on the porch.

"Hide in the bushes," said Johnny. "Leave him to me."

Two-Bit, Dallas, and Ponyboy dove for cover, and not a moment too soon. Johnny's dad had appeared on the porch. Johnny pretended he had been sitting there for a while, watching some birds pull worms out of the lawn.

"There you are, Johnathan," said Mr. Cade.

"What's going on, Dad?" asked Johnny.

"A girl came up to our doorstep asking for help," explained Mr. Cade. "Some punks jumped her and stole her purse. She's got a hurt ankle. Her parents aren't home and she needs to go to the DX to find her cousin. Can you walk her over there?"

"Sure, Dad," Johnny agreed. "Where is she?"

"She's in the house with your mother."

Both male Cades walked into the living room, where Mrs. Cade and Glenda were both seated on the sofa.

"Johnathan, this is Glenda," introduced Mrs. Cade. "Glenda, this is our son Johnathan."

Glenda shook Johnny's hand and said, "Nice to meet you." Johnny just said "hi."

"Have a cookie, Johnathan," said Mrs. Cade, holding the tray toward him. "You look dead on your feet."

Johnny accepted the cookie and sat next to Glenda on the sofa with a "Thanks, Ma."

"When you're finished eating, will you walk Glenda over to the DX?" asked Mrs. Cade.

"Sure, Ma," he replied.

"That's my good boy," she said, pinching his cheek. Winking at her husband, she added, "Let's leave them alone, dear."

The two of them disappeared off to another portion of the house. Neither Johnny nor Glenda trusted the alien's cooking, believing it could be poisoned. Johnny stuffed the cookies in the pockets of his jeans jacket while Glenda hid them down her blouse. In case the aliens could hear them, Johnny and Glenda carried on a getting-to-know-you conversation.

"How old are you?" asked Glenda.

"Sixteen," answered Johnny. "What about you?"

"Seventeen," said Glenda. "But everyone thinks I'm younger than that because I'm small for my age."

"Me too," said Johnny.

They talked for about another twenty minutes before Glenda said, "I think I'm ready to go find my cousin now. Can you help me get up?"

"Sure." said Johnny.

"Would you mind terribly if I leaned on you?"

"No."

They held hands and Glenda began to walk, wincing appropriately when her left foot hit the ground. Johnny called that they were leaving, then he and Glenda escaped into the bushes to find the rest of the gang. Glenda fished down her blouse and emptied it of all the cookies, Johnny did the same with his jeans jacket.

"Yum!" said Two-Bit, reaching for a cookie.

Dallas hit him over the head. "The aliens coulda poisoned them, stupid!"

"Right," mumbled Two-Bit.

"So what did you find out?" asked Ponyboy. "Do you know what the aliens' weaknesses are?"

"_Nessuna,_" said Johnny with a shrug, using one of the few polite Italian words his mom had taught him.

"Got any more bright ideas?" Ponyboy said to Two-Bit.

"Go to the school so I can draw on the blackboards." said Two-Bit without a second's thought.

"Idiot," muttered Dallas.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Apologies for the wait between chapters, but I had a slight case of writer's block.

* * *

The group set off toward town. Dallas was walking a little ahead of Two-Bit and Pony. Johnny and Glenda brought up the rear. By the time they got to the town square, it was about two in the afternoon.

"_Sono affomato,_" Johnny muttered when they were about a block from The Dingo.

"Hey, Dal!" called Glenda.

"Yeah?" asked Dallas, stopping and turning around.

"How about we go eat?" she said.

"Sure," Dallas agreed.

"_Then _we're going to the school, right?" said Two-Bit. He was getting tired of all these delays.

"Yes," said Dallas grudgingly, who was trying to delay going to the school as long as possible. Schools gave him the creeps; he hadn't been inside one in years.

Johnny shot Glenda a surprised look. "You knew what I said." She nodded. Johnny smiled. "I didn't know you could speak Italian."

"A little," said Glenda. "I'd like to live in New York when I'm older. I know there's a lot of Italian people there, so I figured I better learn the language."

It was Dallas's turn to grin. He got an almost dreamy expression on his face and sighed. "Ah, good ol' New York. Good times." Winking at Glenda, he used his favorite line to impress women. "You oughta see my record sometime."

When they got to The Dingo, Dallas held the door open for Glenda before he went in himself. Ponyboy was a little leery. Dallas usually wasn't that nice to a girl unless he wanted something from her.

The kids set up shop in a corner booth, Glenda tucked between Johnny and Two-Bit on one side of the table with Ponyboy by himself on the other side. Dallas pulled up a chair next to the end of the table.

When the waitress brought their drinks, the boys blew their straw wrappers at her. Dallas caught her by the arm and whispered dirty jokes in her ear. Glenda was a bit disgusted, but she tried not to let it show in her face. She'd heard from Steve that Dallas could turn pretty nasty; Steve had also hinted at Dally's involvement in a murder in New York City.

The waitress Dallas had tried to pick up walked over to the table and asked if they were ready to order. Dallas ordered cheeseburgers and fries for everyone. Hardly anyone was at The Dingo, so it didn't take long for their orders to arrive.

"Hey, Dal," said Ponyboy after the waitress had dropped off their plates.

"What?" snapped Dallas, starting on his fries. "I'm tryin' to eat."

"I think I'll probably go home after this," said Ponyboy. "I'm not gonna help you guys break into the school."

Dallas shook his head disgustedly. "You promised Johnny you'd help get his parents back and now you're gonna punk out on us? Great. Some friend you are, Ponyboy. This is just great."

"If I get caught, I'll get in a lot of trouble." Ponyboy reasoned. "And I can't get in trouble. Don't you remember what the judge said? He said I can stay with Darry as long as I stay out of trouble. If I got caught trying to break into the school, I'd get sent to some boys' home."

"He would, Dal," put in Johnny.

"Don't _you _remember _our _rules?" said Dallas. "Number one: Always stick together. Number two: Don't get caught."

"But sometimes people _do _get caught." Ponyboy pointed out.

"Don't worry so much, Pony," said Two-Bit. "You'll give yourself an ulcer. At least that's what my mama says. And ulcers ain't no fun, so I just don't worry."

"How about this?" said Dallas. "Pony, if you get caught with us, I'll take the rap, just like I did when Two-Bit broke out the school windows."

Ponyboy didn't want to be marked as unloyal to the gang, so he grudgingly mumbled, "Okay."

Once everyone's appetite had been satisfied, they doubled back and walked in the direction of the school. They were less than a block away when Ponyboy saw something that made him stop dead in his tracks.

"Aw hell!" he swore.


	8. Chapter 8

"_Dannazione_!" yipped Johnny.

"What's the matter with you two?" asked Glenda.

"That," said Ponyboy weakly, pointing up toward the school roof.

There were at least six guys repairing the roof. One particularly muscular worker was somebody Ponyboy would recognize anywhere: Darry.

"I'm definitely goin' home now," said Ponyboy, starting to turn around.

Dallas caught him by the arm before he went two steps. "Relax, kid," he said in his usual Brooklyn drawl. "He ain't seen us yet."

"We'll go around back," said Two-Bit.

By sneaking around the courtyard's trees and bushes, the five teens managed to make it to the back of the school undetected. Two-Bit immediately became distracted when he noticed the cheerleaders were practicing their cheers on the football field. The redheaded one sure was a looker... Ponyboy cleared his throat pointedly.

"Right you are," said Two-Bit, his cheeks going pink. "Business before pleasure." He examined the door that led to the gymnasium. "Good," he said. "The school's still usin' them cheap locks. This won't take too long." He turned to the only female in the group and said, "Hey, Munchkin, you got a hairpin?"

Glenda reached up and extracted a bobby pin from the back of her hair, then held the pin out to Two-Bit. Two-Bit inserted the bobby pin into the doorknob and started to fiddle with the lock, his ear to the door, listening for the small click of success. After several minutes, he let out a sigh.

"This ain't workin'," he said.

"I think you need to jam another pin in there," offered Dallas, who had experience in such matters.

"You got another one of these?" Two-Bit asked Glenda, holding up the bobby pin.

Glenda removed the only other bobby pin from her hair, which caused her bangs to flop right into her eyes. Two-Bit stuffed both pins into the doorknob and jimmied them around. A minute's work later and the gym door had creaked open.

"What'd I tell ya?" said Dallas boastfully.

"Believe these are yours," said Two-Bit, extracting the bobby pins from the doorknob and holding them out to Glenda.

Glenda followed the boys into the dark, deserted gym. It was steamy in there. Remnants of balloons and streamers hung from the ceiling. Apparently, the janitors still hadn't cleaned up after the prom.

"Did I ever tell ya I got kicked outta prom 'cause I was soused?" asked Two-Bit.

"Yeah, about a hundred times, and keep your voice down," begged Ponyboy. "The janitors or somebody might still be here."

"Only janitor that works summers is Carl," said Two-Bit knowledgably. "And me and Carl go way back. 'Member when I left that box of mice in the principal's office?" Ponyboy sure did; the mice had gotten all over the school and all the girls had jumped up on their desks and screamed. "Well, Carl's the one who let me in."

They walked out into the hall, where the trophy cases were. Next to one of them was a small office with "Coach" written on the door.

"Need my bobby pins again?" asked Glenda.

"Nope," said Two-Bit with a sigh. He swore under his breath. "This don't open 'less you got a key. I know 'cause I tried to break in here once. I was tryin' to steal Coach's gradebook so I wouldn't fail gym."

"How the hell do you fail gym?" asked Dallas.

"Funny story, really," said Two-Bit. "See, it was in the spring durin' my first junior year. We was all out on the field playin' baseball. I was on first and Coach says I gotta steal second. I says, 'You can count on me, Coach.' Soda was on my team, he's up to bat, and he hits it hard. I run up to second base and I yank it outta the dirt."

Glenda laughed. Dally and Ponyboy didn't; they'd heard the story too many times.

"I start runnin' out to the parking lot with the base," Two-Bit went on, chuckling. "And all of a sudden, Mr. Super-Soc from the other teams runs a blitz on me. He tackles me and I fall, so I start beating his ass down." Pausing, he added "Pardon my language" to Glenda.

"Then Coach threatened to fail him, so he tried to break in the office, and that's how he knows ya need a key," said Dallas in a bored tone.

Two-Bit pouted. "Thanks for ruinin' my story, Dal." He didn't sulk for long, though. He could hear someone humming a corny old big-band tune. Two-Bit put his fingers in his mouth and whistled.

Carl, the wizened janitor, shuffled up to them. "Hey, Mathews." he said. "You fixin' to cause some trouble?"

"Always, Carl," said Two-Bit unabashedly. "Listen, would you mind slippin' me the key to Coach's office?" He held up a five-dollar bill.

Carl snatched the money and handed Two-Bit the key without a second's thought. Two-Bit put the key in the lock and the office door creaked open.

"Ladies first," said Dallas with a gallant sweep of his arm.

Glenda entered the coach's office and sat down on the wooden chair that faced the desk. Dallas swiped the coach's chair and sat with his feet up on the desk. Ponyboy settled himself on the floor; Johnny stood behind Glenda's chair with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans jacket.

Within thirty seconds, Two-Bit had erased the football team's latest play from the blackboard and replaced it with a crudely drawn map of the neighborhood.

"When we leave the school," said Two-Bit, "we're gonna go through the park and take the side streets to the lot. We'll pick up the water pistols I got stashed there and then we'll cut through the lot to Johnny's house. We'll go in through the back door, shoot the aliens with the water, and kill 'em. Any questions?"

"If we kill the aliens, how'll we know where to find my parents?" asked Johnny.

"And what makes you think water pistols will work?" asked Glenda.

"Johnny, I didn't think about that part. I guess we can grab the water guns, go to your house, and just play it off the cuff from there." Two-Bit replied smoothly. "And, Munchkin, of course water can conquer evil. It worked in _The Wizard of Oz_."

"But the water melted a witch, not aliens," Ponyboy pointed out.

"It's the same thing," said Two-Bit.

Ponyboy tried to argue that aliens and witches were really quite different, but he stopped himself. Trying to reason with Two-Bit Mathews was like trying to reason with a brick wall.

The five teens managed to slip out of the school without being detected by Darry or anyone else and they set off to do battle with the aliens.


End file.
